My year in review or bye bye 2009 (thank god!)

Its time to review 2009 - the good, the bad and the ugly!

THE BAD and THE UGLY

As many of you know, 2009 was a tough year for me. I started my New Year by celebrating it alone (don't ask) and I was not happy about it and somehow, it set the tone for the whole year. It seems that I was always one step behind - between what I wanted and what was actually happening to me.

In April 2009, I lost my job which I won't go into again as this is something that I mentioned quite alot on this blog.

I was also stuck doing some medical tests that were incredibly scary for me!

In late 2008, my best friend and I had a falling out and although we exchanged a few emails in 2009, we just could not get to that point where we could talk about it.

In 2009, I also realized that I am completely clueless as to what I want to do as a job "when I grow up". Its weird because as soon as I finished my degree in Business Administration, I got a job immediately and never looked back. By 1987, I was the Director of the Human Resources department of the company I worked for (and worked there for 14 years) and kept getting promoted and was actually a very senior person in that company - along with a nice, nice senior salary that I somehow never managed to put aside for my retirement!

Now, I can't seem to stay in a job more than a few years and recently, although I am at McGill University in their HR department, I don't like it at all and I am leaving the position at the end of January - back to looking for a job (AGAIN!). What is wrong with me? I just can't seem to find something that I am passionate about. Needless to say this weighs heavily on my mind.

2009 was also the year of poor choices and poor decisions for me.

I was involved in a relationship that was totally unhealthy for me and for some reason, kept thinking it would get better - which is ridiculous since I am a firm believer in a slogan that we often say in 12 step program - "the true definition of insanity is to repeat the same action over and over and expect a different result" - thank goodness this relationship is now behind me and I have given my friends permission to take my stack of books and seriously hit me with them if I EVER get myself in that kind of situation again.

I am the queen of poor choices let me tell you!!!

Other things that happened in 2009 - I am having lots of trouble sticking to my food plan and staying away from all the binge foods that basically consist of my eating disorder. One of the problems with eating disorders is that they never go away and tend to really surface in times of stress - hence my craving for a hot fudge cholocate sundae all the time (thank goodness, the 12 steps that I believe in so much are standing between me and the self destruction that comes so easily to me).

Wow! I guess really should get to THE GOOD now (and there is alot of it).

I am happy to say that Sharon, my best friend and I decided to finally, at the end of November, sit together and talk - so I am thrilled that this friendship has been saved and we are slowly working on rebuilding our relationship. We were extremely close (think Sex and the City type of close) and I am thrilled that she is back in my life. (Picture; Sharon is in the middle and I am on the right - that is our friend Sarah on the left).

I am also always grateful for Overeaters Anonymous, although I have not been faithful to it, IT has been faithful to me - thank you Bill and Dr. Bob - without you, I would have literally eaten myself to death.

As always, I always say that god did not give me brains when it comes to men, but he made sure that he sent some wonderful pets in my life and my Rebecca (who died a few years ago) and my cat Griz are truly heaven sent.

My grandmother, who died in 2002 and who looks over me everyday and my mother who is very much alive (thank you) are the two women that have always stood by me in my life - regardless of the fact that, for the most part, my mother is baffled most of the time by my actions and I am sure has often considered having my DNA tested just to make sure I was hers (LOL).

My love of reading - which has literally saved my life too many times to count. Thank god for the wonderful people who have sent me books in 2009 (and there are many of you) as well as the new friends that I have made through my blog, particularly my blogger group - Cindy, Linda, Donna and Avis who have all had their share of struggles this year but we have all remained close if not a little more battered.

Finally, I need to remember that I am healthy and that everything I went through in 2009 was for a reason - namely that I needed to learn something from it. I have made some very specific resolutions for 2010 (which is not something I usually do) and the most important one is that I WILL LEARN TO LISTEN TO MY LITTLE VOICE! this voice is my grandmother, my dad and my higher power talking to me - unfortunately, I almost always choose to not listen to it and that is usually when I get in trouble.

Finally and this is a huge one that I truly believe although I often forget or choose to ignore:

I need to remember that I AM EXACTLY WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE AT THIS MOMENT!

Happy 2010 to all my friends. Namastes.